


Even the Strongest Ones Break Sometimes

by Annide



Series: 1998, or the year everything changed [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 16:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3296579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annide/pseuds/Annide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Battle of Hogwarts, Ginny Weasley has difficulty coping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even the Strongest Ones Break Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> In italic are lyrics from Ed Sheeran "Give Me Love"

_Give me love like her,_

_'Cause lately I've been waking up alone,_

_Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,_

_Told you I'd let them go_

 

            Ginny woke up in the middle of the night. She’d had a nightmare again. She was wet with sweat and she could still see the marks tears had left on her clothes a few hours earlier. She didn’t try to go back to sleep, by now she knew it was no use. She went to the small bathroom and saw that crying and sleeping had smudged the makeup she didn’t bother taking off, again. She put water on a tissue and cleaned it off just enough so it looked almost purposeful.

            It was silent in the Burrow. With Bill, Charlie, Percy and George all living in their own places and Ron spending the summer with Hermione, none of them daring to come visit for fear of the reminders of Fred everywhere around this house, Ginny was the sole Weasley kid left in a place that felt dreadfully empty.

            Ginny had tried to get back to her relationship with Harry following the Battle of Hogwarts, but she simply couldn’t make it work. She kept thinking of this moment she’d shared with Luna right before Christmas.

            Both girls had spent the day inside the castle, down in the kitchen. The nice smell of whatever the elves were cooking surrounded them, Dobby regularly brought them delicious food and, for a little while, they managed to forget all about the war and how awful Hogwarts had gotten. They’d looked at each other and just kissed, as though no one could see them. They hadn’t planned this and it came as a surprise for both of them, but it just felt right. This could’ve led to more, Ginny wished it had, but Luna never came back from Christmas break and they only saw each other again in May, when Harry reappeared at Hogwarts and the Battle took place.

            Now Ginny was alone at home, spending most of her time in bed, though unable to sleep. And when she did manage to fall into slumber, she was stricken by nightmares of the Battle of Hogwarts, seeing all those people they lost. For the first few days following it, she seemed completely fine, but now, now she had those nightmares and simple things, like a dog or the colour purple or a little boy or even her own hair, reminded her of Lupin, Tonks, Colin or Fred, and made her lose it. She’d have trouble breathing and tears would fill her eyes, and her heart pumped so hard it felt like it would jump out of her chest.

            Pain was Ginny’s only company this summer. Her parents were busy with their own grief, and the three of them couldn’t seem to be able to spend much time together as a family without the memory of Fred getting in between, making them feel guilty for enjoying themselves when he was dead, though they knew he would’ve wanted them to be happy and celebrate their victory over Voldemort. But Ginny couldn’t figure out how to move on with her life, how to stop being haunting by all that had happened.

 

_And that I'll fight my corner,_

_Maybe tonight I'll call ya,_

_After my blood turns into alcohol,_

_No, I just wanna hold ya._

 

            Ron and Hermione were in Australia, getting her parents back. Harry had been living in Grimmauld Place since the Battle and, in early June, after it became evident his relationship with Ginny was a thing of the past, he let Malfoy move in with him. He was helping Draco get used to this new view of things, this new open-mindedness and acceptance. Draco really wanted to put all of this Death Eater and hatred towards muggleborns crap behind him, whether his parents agreed or not. Neville was at Hogwarts, helping the teachers clean up and rebuild what had been destroyed during the Battle. As for Luna, she was with her father, working on rebuilding their home.

            At first, they all exchanged letters, but Ginny never had anything to say so she stopped replying and then the others seemed to get tired of this one way conversation, or got too caught up with what they were doing, or didn’t want to push their more exciting lives on the girl who couldn’t even keep herself together long enough to help bring Hogwarts back to its former glory.

            How often did Ginny almost sent a letter to Luna to tell her how she felt? How often did she almost leave the Burrow to go help rebuild the Lovegood’s home? How often did she catch herself daydreaming about what a future with Luna could be like? And every time, she looked at herself, looked at the pajamas or sweat pants she always wore, looked at the old makeup she’d put on every once in a while to pretend she was getting herself back together, but never took off, simply letting it darken the contour of her eyes, accentuating the bags under them, proof she wasn’t sleeping well at all.

            Ginny spent most of her time in bed, staring at the wall, trying not to think about how much life she was missing on, trying not to wonder why the others all seemed fine while she was paralyzed. Through most of June, she would get dressed every couple of days and go to the Hog’s Head pub to drink, but after a few weeks, Aberforth refused to serve her anymore.

            “You need to get help, young girl. Go to a friend, tell them how you feel, let them comfort you and hold you or something. But don’t come back here, I won’t sell you any more firewhisky, I won’t even sell you butterbeer. You understand, kid? Get out of my pub now, I don’t want to witness you throwing your life away like this anymore.”

            That night, Ginny had almost walked over to Hogwarts to talk to Neville, but she felt she’d only burden him with something he couldn’t do anything about. Still not being allowed to apparate, she called the Knight Bus. When Stan, back to his old job with Ernie, asked her where to go, Ginny wanted nothing more than to give Luna’s address, but she felt it would be unfair to her, after all she’d been through, to just show up in the middle of the night, partially drunk, probably ending up telling her everything, when she was this messed up. So she simply went back home.

 

_Give a little time to me or burn this out,_

_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_

_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love_

 

            She didn’t know how exactly she managed it, but Ginny actually passed her apparating exam in August. Maybe there was hope for her after all. She started getting out of bed more. At first, she would simply go down for breakfast and supper. She was still spending most of the day lying in bed, but it was a beginning. Arthur and Molly had gotten better over the summer. They weren’t quite at the acceptance step of grief yet, but they were getting there. They’d made enough progress that through July, they worried a lot about Ginny. When she made the effort to get dressed and announced they should go to Diagon Alley to buy her school stuff, a week before the end of vacations, they smiled so bright, Ginny couldn’t help but attempt one herself. It was timid and small and not very convincing, but it seemed to reassure Molly that one day, not right now, but eventually, her little girl would be okay again, she just needed time and support to get there.

            Of course, this was one day, and it burned all of Ginny's energy away. When she saw Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, her heart went crazy and she felt as though she couldn’t breathe. She wanted to go back home right there, but Molly took her by the shoulders, looked right into her eyes and talked to her in a soothing voice.

            “I know, honey, it’s hard for me too. Take a deep breath. Now another. Keep going. It helps, doesn’t it? Okay, now take my hand. We’ll do this together, alright? We’ll get closer step by step, we’ll check out other shops on our way and work our courage up until we reach it, okay? We’ll go in there as slow as you need. Don’t worry, your father and I will be right here with you, just tell us if you need to stop for a while.”

Molly paused. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath just like she’d told her daughter to do, then opened them again.

“We understand how you feel about this place, it’s the same for us, but we haven’t seen George in ages. And can you imagine what it must be like for him? We’ll go together and see how he’s doing, alright? Are you ready?”

Ginny nodded. She’d managed to calm down a bit and she was grateful for a mom this great and understanding. They progressively made their way up the road, stopping at various shops to buy what was on this year’s school list, with regular reminders from Molly that it was the last time they’d do that since their youngest kid was entering her last year at Hogwarts.

Arthur, Molly and Ginny were welcomed into the shop by a far cry of enthusiasm from George. Or a young man that looked a lot like George and sounded like him, but with longer hair that hid half his face and had been dyed black. When he reached them, nobody said anything about his new look, they simply shared a pained expression. They all knew why Fred’s identical twin brother made such a big appearance change after the Battle. They group hugged for a while then exchanged news before Ginny and her parents had to leave to finish their errands.

 

_Give me love like never before,_

_'Cause lately I've been craving more,_

_And it's been a while but I still feel the same,_

_Maybe I should let you go_

 

            On September 1st, Molly and Arthur accompanied Ginny to the train station. She was a nervous wreck. She hadn’t been able to sleep at all the night before. Her mother had to drag her there, telling her she couldn’t avoid Hogwarts forever. They’d been on the platform for less than five minutes when Luna appeared at their side.

            “Ginny, I’ve missed you so much!”

            The blonde wrapped her arms around her friend. Molly smiled at her and turned to Ginny.

            “See, you won’t be alone. You can talk with Luna, it’ll help distract you and keep you calm on your way there. I’m sure Luna won’t mind.”

            Luna seemed to understand something, like the lack of contact from Ginny through the summer finally made sense to her.

            “Of course, I’ll do anything I can to help. You can count on me, Ginny.”

            Hearing this warmed Ginny’s heart and she managed a small reassuring smile.

            “Thanks. I guess we should go if we want to find a good seat.”

            “Oh that’s not a problem. I ran into Hermione earlier, she said she’d save us a compartment.”

            Hermione was going back to Hogwarts to do her seventh year, as she missed it running around the country in the search for horcruxes the year before. Harry and Ron had both accepted offers from Kingsley Shacklebolt to become Aurors. They’d had to pass a test, but since they saved the world by their important contribution to the war against Voldemort, they hadn’t been asked to complete their studies. Of course, Hermione had been given the same offer, but she didn’t want to become an Auror and she really wanted to graduate from Hogwarts. It was important to her, even if she wouldn’t have needed it.

            After they’d said their goodbyes, Luna took Ginny’s hand to lead her inside the train. The ginger blushed slightly at the gesture. She still felt the same about her friend. She still wished them to be more to each other. Maybe she even loved Luna, but she wouldn’t do anything about it. Not now. She thought it would be unfair to throw that on her, especially since she was such a mess. Luna deserved better for a girlfriend than a broken girl.

            Ginny almost lost her calm when they got out of the train. They were getting so close to the castle. There was no way to avoid going now and she couldn’t bear the idea. Flashbacks from the Battle kept coming back to her, how were the others so calm? And then, there they were, right in front of her, the black skeletal winged horses. For some unknown reason, seeing how peaceful the thestrals were, how undisturbed by last year's event they seemed, Ginny didn't feel as panicked anymore.

Ginny wasn’t the only one who had frozen there, most of the older students had done the same. She realized that while she knew about those creatures and had been seeing them for two years, ever since she witnessed Sirius Black's death, it was new for the other kids. First years were being led away by Hagrid when McGonagall appeared from a nearby building and stood where all the students could see her.

“Everyone, attention please.” She waited until all the eyes were on her. “For those of you who might not have had the chance to be taught this in class, those creatures you see pulling the carriages are thestrals. They’ve always been there, but they are only visible to those who have witnessed death. This is why all those of you who participated to the Battle at the end of last year can now see them. Please, don’t fear them, they are absolutely not dangerous. Now, get in those carriages and fast, we’re already late.”

It took Luna pulling her ahead by the arm and Hermione repeating her to breathe for Ginny to climb the stairs to the castle. Tears filled their eyes as they set foot in the Great Hall for the first time since they looked down on the dead bodies of Fred, Lupin, Tonks and so many others. Ginny didn’t want to let go of Luna’s hand, but the blonde had to go sit at the Ravenclaw table as she took the direction of the Gryffindor table with Hermione. She was glad she still had Hermione around, it would be nice having classes with her this year.

After the sorting ceremony, professor McGonagall, as the new Hogwarts Headmistress, addressed the students in the traditional beginning of year speech. She started by welcoming all the students and reminding them of the school rules.

“Following last year’s events during the war against Voldemort, Madam Pomfrey put together a support group for all those who might need it. It will take place in the infirmary every night after dinner, you are free to go to any number of meetings you feel like. No judgements will be allowed there and nothing you'll say will leave this room. Individual counseling will also be available, please refer to your Head of House for details. This said, I’d like to announce Professor Rubeus Hagrid as the new Head of Gryffindor House.”

Applause filled the room and McGonagall proceeded to announce new Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration professors, as well as Neville Longbottom’s new position as assistant professor for Herbology class.

Ginny felt reassured. She had friends around and it seemed the school had prepared to welcome students like her who had problems dealing with memories of the war. She felt better about the whole thing.

 

_You know I'll fight my corner,_

_And that tonight I'll call ya,_

_After my blood is drowning in alcohol,_

_No, I just wanna hold ya_

 

            Ginny started going to meetings the next evening. She discovered she was far from being the only one that had experienced all those feelings she’d been dealing with all summer. It felt good to talk about it with people who were in the same situation. Her discomfort being in the castle slowly faded away and by Halloween, she could call Hogwarts her second home again.

            She introduced Hermione to her friends as they’d all be in the same classes together. Most of them were very impressed by the older student and the stories they’d heard of all she’d accomplished. Everyone was gradually adjusting to life after the war.

            The nightmares weren’t going away though. Maybe they would one day, but for now Ginny kept waking up in sweat in the middle night. She took the habit to go down to the kitchen, using the Marauder’s map to not get caught. Harry had given it to her, saying he didn’t need it anymore.

            One night of December, as Ginny was eating the soup Winky had taken the habit of making for her every night, she was surprised by the sound of footsteps behind her. She’d never been disturbed there before. The other house elves were sleeping at that time of night and no students ever came in that late. The ginger girl turned around to discover none other than Luna Lovegood.

            “Hi, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bother you, I had no idea you would be here.” The blonde apologised.

            “You’re not bothering me at all. What brings you here?”

            “I couldn’t sleep.” She paused, seeming uncharacteristically uncomfortable. “Actually, I couldn’t stop thinking about something. Do you remember what happened here between us almost a year ago?”

            “Of course.” How could she have forgotten? Ginny cherished that memory like no other.

            Luna sat on the floor, the back of her shoulders leaning on Ginny’s thigh.

            “I’m sad things got so crazy after that. I didn’t get a chance to tell you how I feel about you. And I just got taken, and there was the Battle, and I know you’ve been struggling since and I didn’t want to push anything on you.”

            Luna took a deep breath.

            “I’ll just say this. I love you, Ginny Weasley. And you can take all the time you need to get better or process this or whatever. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. If you don’t feel the same about me, it’s fine. If you do, just know there’s no pressure here, I’ll wait for you as long as it’ll take.”

            The blonde was stopped in her effort to get up when Ginny let herself slid off her chair to join her on the floor. The ginger put her hands by the side of her face and pulled her into a kiss.

            “I think that answers your question about how I feel about you. I want to be with you, Luna, but we’ll have to take it slow, alright? Because I don’t want my issues to ruin this.”

            Luna nodded her agreement and a smile formed on her lips as Ginny leaned in for another kiss.

 

_Give a little time to me or burn this out,_

_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_

_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love_


End file.
